Friday, 26 May 2017

Ramadhan ya Kareem

Its Ramadhan all over again. This year, its  a bit special, I have my son and husband by my side. Its going to be a challenge as I'm fully breastfeeding my soon to be 5 months old son and I am away from my family - again.

As I am writing this, it hit me - how much I miss my papa. The only memory of Ramadhan with papa was when we celebrated my birthday during Ramadhan, where we had cake and everyone gathered in the living room, waiting for azan. The image of him was so vivid - his favorite songkok with leopard print (kinda unique I must say), cream in color baju melayu and kain pelikat. That was the only memory of us breaking the fast together and I must say, I'd do anything to have one more Ramadhan with him.

I saw people posting on FB and IG about them missing their parents and yet, here I am, thinking about those time that had passed and wishing that I could rewind time. I hope Zayyan will be able to grow up with lots of memories of us - his parents. Well, his first Ramadhan is the same day where he gets sore eyes at 5 months old. He has been such a good boy. I really hope papa could see his grandson, I mean, when papa left us, my sister in law was pregnant for our first niece, Naylee. So pap didn't manage to see his grandchild. I know papa would love Zayyan so much if he were here today.

Every Ramadhan, I would have this heart ache and tears, hoping that papa would be around. His image is still crystal clear in my mind. This year would mark papa's 10th years away from us to fhe better place - Jannah, InsyaAllah and thats the amount of years where I didn't stop praying for him and missing him deeply. I always kept it in my heart. Eating ice cream would remind me of him, the smell of cigerette would make me think of him, in time of sadness, I hope he would be around to hold me like he used to and in times of joy, I wished he were there to witness it.

I miss you papa, I truly do.

Al-fatihah, May Allah placed you in Jannah
Abdul Malik Bin Omar
1954 - 2007

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